


why don't you let yourself just be whoever you are

by splashstar



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Betaed, Closeted Character, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Haircuts, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, Trans Male Character, Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25845790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/splashstar/pseuds/splashstar
Summary: "Our parents can disagree with us on a lot of different things, but this is where I draw the line."--rin cuts len's hair.
Relationships: Kagamine Len & Kagamine Rin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	why don't you let yourself just be whoever you are

**Author's Note:**

> i'm still working on ch 3 of the kailen red string fic but here's this from a few nights ago
> 
> for reference, every vocaloid mentioned is high school age via the japanese school system (15-18) + rin and len's hair both start off about the same length as future style rin's
> 
> compared to my usual default portrayal of len this is a little ooc but y'know. that's the vocaloid fic writing life ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The door to the Kagamine twins' bedroom opened frantically, and shut quietly as if there were people they would be bothering if the same amount of haste had been made. Len, still in his school uniform after having just come home, dropped his bag next to him, let his back fall against the door, and slid down toward the hardwood floor of the room. His heart raced, and his lungs demanded oxygen. Salty tears escaped his eyes in large drops, and his eyelids forced themselves closed as he clamped his hands over his mouth to mute his sobs.

"Len?" Rin, who had gotten busy on her homework while waiting for him to come back, got up from her bed, putting her work down against her pillow. She approached her twin in worry and got on her knees in front of him. "Whoa, hey, what's going on? What happened?"

Len shook his head vigorously as his breath hitched.

"Len, you have to tell me what's going on. You can't just hide this from me."

Len pulled his hands from his face, a quiet sob escaping his lips and he buried his face into his knees to avoid any possible eye contact with her. "You know how...I said I'd ask _Tou-chan_ and _Kaa-chan_ if...I could cut my hair shorter?"

"Yeah?" Rin paused, a look of realization replacing the concern on her face. "Wait. Don't tell me they said no?"

Len nodded, confirming her suspicions. "A-and I can't tell them _why,_ " he continued, sniffling, "because I don't _have_ any other reason for it, and I'd have to force myself out of the closet to do that."

Rin listened to him in silence, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly with her right hand.

"I wish it wasn't so painfully obvious that I'm not a boy," Len whimpered, shaky hands pulling at his long, blonde locks that ran down his back and chest and mirrored his sister's so perfectly--but he knew deep down that it didn't belong on him.

Rin's brows knitted together in a mixture of both anger and determination. The sight of Len's despair at the hands of the adults they were supposed to trust finally made something burn with rage within her. "Screw it. _I'm_ cutting your hair."

" _Wh-what?_ " Len lifted his head, tears still glistening in his terrified eyes as he watched his sister pick herself up off the ground in search of something. "Rin, what are _Tou-chan_ and _Kaa-chan_ gonna say?"

"Who cares?"

" _I_ do!"

Rin reached under her bed and pulled out a large plastic container. "Well, _I_ don't."

Len unconsciously wrapped his arms around his torso, frightening thoughts crossing his mind. "They're gonna kick me out of the house when they find out...!"

"If they give you the boot," Rin began, digging through the container and obtaining a see-through pouch with hairstyling scissors and curlers inside, "then they have to do the same to _me,_ too."

"Rin, _please_ just think about this and listen to me for once!"

"Why don't _you_ listen to _me_ for once?" Rin shot back, turning to him with a serious look on her face. "Len, I can't keep standing by watching you _hate_ yourself everyday. I _want_ you to feel comfortable in your own body. I dunno why _Tou-chan_ and _Kaa-chan_ have such a _stick up their ass_ about insisting _they_ know what you want better than _you_ do, but _I'm_ not letting this slide anymore. I'm more than willing to sacrifice what I have to make you happy again."

"Rin..."

"Len, I..." She exhaled, realizing she had his attention. "I miss hearing you laugh and seeing you smile all the time. Trust me, I _want_ to help you with this. Our parents can disagree with us on a lot of different things, but this is where I draw the line." Rin dragged herself closer again and reached toward him, thumbing his tears away. "Now, come on. I've got homework to procrastinate on."

Rin pulled Len to his feet and sat him down into a small chair in front of the closet door mirror. She cut the bottom of a clean trash bag open and pulled the plastic over his body, and wet his hair with a spray bottle of water.

She began to cut. With each snip of her scissors against his long strands, Len's mind could only wander. The feeling of each cut, locks of blonde hair grazing his shoulders and falling to the floor as Rin hummed along to the songs playing over her phone, caused a flurry of emotions within him--peacefulness, excitement, anxiety, many others that he couldn't consciously give a name to, all at the same time. It was something so new and thrilling knowing in the back of his mind that there was so much more riding on this moment than anything they'd ever done in their lives. To say that their whole futures were at stake sounded like an overstatement to him, but he knew there was truth to it. He didn't know if he was ready for what would eventually come, but if Rin was going to be there, standing at his side the entire time, then maybe things wouldn't be so bad.

It was nearly the same excitement, he vividly recalled, that he felt on that day a few months back during school, in the morning before class started when Luka and Miku snuck him a small package of three black chest binders that they'd bought for him as a surprise. Going home at the end of the day and trying them on for the first time had been pure bliss. It was different, and he loved every moment of it, and Rin was there to celebrate the small victory with him. But the binders were only the first step, and they still had to be hidden in the container under his bed, separated from his sports bras--half of which were bought by their mother and fit his actual cup size, and the other half were ones that he'd worn since junior high, smaller and tighter, some of them having once been Rin's until she gave them to him--and washed in secret.

"Close your eyes 'til I tell you," Rin directed once his hair was up to his shoulders, pulling him out of his thoughts. "Also, don't move. I'm gonna trim your bangs."

Len followed her instructions, and Rin continued on, still humming as another new song came on. Scissors resumed cutting, locks of hair tickling his nose and causing him to flinch as Rin giggled at him and told him to just breathe slowly until she was done. His eyes stayed closed even after he knew she'd moved back behind him, and he was left wondering what she was going to do next.

"And if we put your hair up in a ponytail like this…"

He felt his hair being gathered and pulled up as high as possible, and a hair tie tightly securing it together.

"...And spike your bangs up...like this…"

Rin ruffled the hair covering his forehead, adjusting a few strands in what seemed to take nearly forever.

"...Voila! You look like a totally new person!"

At her signal, Len's eyelashes fluttered open to see a completely different version of himself that had been beyond everything he'd ever dreamt of becoming. No more long, blonde locks running down his back and chest that so perfectly mirrored his sister's, no more having to suck up wearing whatever "feminine" hairstyle their mother forced him into; all that he saw in front of him now was a boyish image, one that was unfamiliar for the moment but warmly welcomed nonetheless. It was something that belonged on him. Tears formed in his eyes as stunned surprise registered on his face, but he swallowed and blinked them out before they could spill over. He was one step closer to becoming himself.

Rin smiled to herself at her brother's reaction, proud that she was starting to see his mood get better. "And I'll cut my hair, too, so we can still conserve our twin brand," she giggled, wrapping a lock of her hair around her index finger as she stared at herself in the mirror. "I've always wanted to try it shorter, anyway."

"...Rin?"

She looked at him in the reflection, deep thought on his face and hope in his eyes. "Yeah?"

"I...I'm a boy, right?"

"Of course you are. You don't have to ask that." Rin wrapped her arms around Len's shoulders, and the boy reached up to hold them closer. "You're my brother, and I love you very much."

Len smiled, leaning his head against the top of her elbow. "I love you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> i,, honestly felt like i wasn't qualified to write smth like this since i'm not trans myself (i'm genderfluid, len being trans is just my default hc) so i personally don't know what that's like from a trans person's perspective and i was afraid of misrepresenting but yeah...having to let my hair grow out since quarantine has not been fun for several very differing reasons lol
> 
> but ty @ my betas for making me feel better abt this one!! love y'all sm (´ε｀ )♡


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